Sunday, August 01, 2004 @12:43 PM
(For those who are not too sure what's going on, please refer to the previous entry. =))
[continued]
The old woman had been praying for her daughter for 32 years. When her abdomen was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably a girl.
Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.
She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with
nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her
laotu (old fashioned in Chinese). She wanted her mother to be "modern", a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness.
The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter leaves the earth, everything she has will count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only want: that her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry.
Being at the top is not good, the woman thought. There is only one way to go from there - down. The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of
beehoon (rice vermicelli) in front of the altar.
Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceremic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own god too - idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day was a quest for idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her, and leave her an empty soulless shell at the altar.
The old lady watched her joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern women nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern women nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
~End of Part 2~
P.S There's Part 3 too. The essay is just toooo loooooooong!!! =)