Monday, October 18, 2004 @7:03 PM
I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.
I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.
I am feeling so empty inside. So empty. Now, I am just like an empty shell lying on the beach where the frigid brine washes past me, leaving me shivering with the tremendous coldness. All I wish for now is for someone to hug me tight and tell me that everything will be alright. I need all the comfort in the world. Hug me please...
I broke down quietly in the auditorium during the audition. Tears just started flowing. I guess I can never take failure. I guess Wee Kiat saw my tears but kept quiet. Although my da jie keeps telling me that the final destination is the most important, I can't help but compare myself with others. What is that ingredient that I forgot to add? Why does my effort taste so bland, nothing of the sweetness that others achieve? Why? Why? Why? I feel so ashamed of myself.
I am trying to pick myself up soon. Yea, but I need some more time. Sorry that I can't comfort anyone for the time being, for I myself need to lick my own gaping wounds and recover from them. Don't mind if I am feeling irritated. I need time to adjust back to my normal mode.
I just pray that the tears that flowed just now are able to wash away the piercing pain in my heart.