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Tuesday, October 26, 2004 @6:29 PM

Things are not going right for me these days. Yesterday, I got a huge scolding from my whole family for not getting home on time for our family movie outing I organised. I felt so down, being scolded a failure by my parents. Yea, I admit I am an irresponsible daughter, irresponsible sister and an irresponsible organiser. Throughout the lecture, I was sobbing my heart out. That lasted for an hour. My eyes really hurt now.

AND, today, I am faced with another piece of appalling news. Han has to leave RV. This really shocked me. My best companion, best laogong will be gone from my side. The feelings inside me are all whirled up in countless of circles. I suddenly lost my sense of direction.

I didn't say much for I am afraid of hurting you. Believe me; I have never hated you for anything you have done. I know how you felt at that point of time and everything you said can't be counted, so I took a quiet approach and see how things go. Yes, the promise of being my bridesmaid when I get married will never ever change and vice versa. It will never be broken for our bonds are cemented tightly together. Even if you were in China, you are to fly back to help me with the preparations. You know what? Once I came back from CO, I immediately rushed to the computer to visit your blog. Once I read those words, I started crying. Thanks for dedicating the poem to me...I am really touched.

[The next poem is dedicated to my dear laopo, serene. we have braved so many storms together. Nothing can separate us.
Always feeling alone, until you
I didn't love myself, until you
I didn't care about life, until you
I never told a friend that I loved her, until you
No one had ever held me for no reason, until you
No one had ever truly known me, until you
No one had ever managed to bear with my irritating, until you

Lying in the darkness, without you
I don't know who I am, without you
I don't know what to do with myself, without you
How did I ever get by, without you
How did I ever find comfort, without you
Would I have ever seen my true self, without you
Would I have ever known true friendship, without you
Serene, you will be my forever wife
promise..]

For the apology letter, just keep it safe with you. Take it as a souvenir which tells the story of our lives together, just like how I kept every e-mail you sent to me safely in my inbox.

And you, will be my forever husband. I truly love you.

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